Friday, February 17, 2012

moms second road trip (2/18/12-2/21/12)


Mom left this morning for her road trip to New York. She didn't say bye before she left. She also didn't text me to tell me she had made it to the ferry. If I were on the trip and she was still at home she would have wanted me to text her. Guess she doesn't stand up to her own standards. Its really no big deal I just texted her and asked if she made it safe. She had only gotten to the Ferry. Once on the boat she had to wait about an hour to reach New York. Well shes there now and who knows what shes doing. She hasn't been talking through text. I'm guessing I wont hear from her the whole time shes gone.

Well dad came home and herd someone in the living room. He thought it was mom because the car was gone. Well he saw it was me and started asking questions. He asked where mom was. I said out. He asked when she coming back I said I didn't know. I wasn't lying I don't know when shes coming back. could be Sunday or Monday. He left the house and went outside. Maybe five minuets went by and he came back and asked if she was gone for the weekend. I said yes. That's when she started yelling at me. He said I should have just said that in the first place. But I A. don't feel its his business B. I shouldn't be the one telling where his wife is. C. he didn't ask the question that would have gotten him the answers he was seeking. He asked if i knew when she was coming back i said no. he didn't say could you guess as to how long she will be gone. Or even ask how long will she be gone.

Then he left the house again and stayed gone for about an hour. He came in and asked if my friend was coming over this weekend. I said i didn't know and he then asked if i wanted to go to breakfast with him and his friend. I didn't answer that question because his friend is hard to be around. I said by the way I have a tax appointment at 12 tomorrow and no car to get there. He said well what are you going to do. I said nicely beg you to let me use your car. He said no way. Than told me i was dumb for making the appointment when mom had the car. He never once offered to take me so i wouldn't have to borrow his car. he just left the house again. I cant win with that man.

I wanted to run away and not be here this weekend but i told myself i need to grow up and deal with dad because one day he isn't going to be around.  He makes it hard to love him. I know its not him its the alcohol but i mean its hard to see the man behind the illness. I want to love him, hes my dad but sometimes I'd rather just hate him. Now its dinner time. I am wondering if i would cook something or wait for dad to be hungry. I dont want to set him off again but I dont want to wait for him to come in again. I'd rather eat and run away to my room. He makes me want to cry and do all the bad things i used to do when i couldnt deal with my emotions. I cant go back to those days. I wont. sometimes i wonder if he knows what he does to the people he talks to. :( he probably has no idea and never will with the way hes been drinking. He is lousing the battle and its killing me to watch. 

No comments:

Post a Comment