back to fathers day.

This is what bothers me the most... when dad is nice one day and horrible all the next days following. I would just rather go without that one good day so I can always imagine him has a horrible person.. its much easier that way. I have been fighting with him non stop since fathers day. He has been calling me horrible names and telling me I'm fat and the whole deal.. but whatever. its not like i haven't herd that before.. it just hurts a lot more when your own parent says it to you.. So i have been feeling kind of down and feeling like i don't have much options.. i want the fighting to stop.. in Alanon they say don't go to every fight your invited too. I cant seem not too. I am going to work hard at not saying anything back when he starts in with me. And see if i notice a change.. wish me luck..

Fathers Day

So its Fathers Day. This is an uncomfortable holiday for me. Well Dad wanted to have a cook out for his special day. He wont let us touch the grill so he cooked his meal himself. It was Delicious.. I love BBQ chicken and his home made pasta salad. Its the best... He is a wonderful cook when he want too. So i thought when he cooked dinner we would all eat together like we do on holidays.. Nope.. mom was passed out on the couch with the nephew..

                                            (they look soo cute sleeping i just had to take a pic)

My sister was eating with her boyfriend. I stood in the kitchen to eat with Dad. We talked about how good the food was. There was no fighting between me and him but there were some words between him and my sister. She came in and refused to eat the chicken with her fingers.. so she used a knife and a fork to try and get the meet of the bones.. she basically waisted a piece of chicken so dad called her a dummy. She was acting kind of stupid. She could have asked and i would have ripped the meat off the bones for her. Once dad had gone to bed she came out for her second piece where she did ask me to get the meet for her.. Other than that little spat.. i guess i can say fathers day was an OK holiday this year. (even though dad was soo drunk her was wobbling while he stood in place.. i thought for sure he was going to fall into the trash not just eat over it..) guess it wouldn't be a holiday without the fighting and the drinking.. so HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO EVERYONE

NOTE TO SELF... a hard lesson to learn.

Note to self... In the futrue when you need to throw up... don't do it over your pillow, blankets, or even the bed in general. Oh and another lesson.. self.. don't use a small bucket.. you cant always guess how much your gonna fill it/spill it. ALL OVER YOURSELF.   While i wait for my mother to wash my stuff this is what my bed looks like.. i have one pillow out of two left, and teddy didn't get any on himself.. and i have my water and a bigger bucket is waiting if i should need it. This has been a wonderful life lesson.. :)

Girl Vs. Room (Part two)

So I failed at cleaning my room last week. So I attempted to do it again today. I am unsure as to why I felt the need to clean. I think it has to do with a conversation I had with a friend of alanon. She was talking about how she feels the need to keep busy and make lists. She blames it all on her adult child of an alcoholic-ness. I said I don't make lists, I don't try to get things done, and I am unable to get anything done that is an everyday project. She says well your an adult child too, you just deal with it differently. I was a little upset that my laziness has anything to with others drinking. I want to be normal. I really do, but I really don't know what that is. My normal may or may not be the real normal, if such thing exists.

So this is what my room looked like before I started:

Lots of trash and stuff that so shouldn't be on the floor of a newly Rivier College Alumni. Oh but there is more:



This is my TV area. And I guess my forgotten can line up. Most of them are still full but I couldn't remember what one I was drinking so I opened another one, and so on..

I know I was still using floppy disks in high school.. Which was six years ago. (graduated high school in 2006) I still felt really old when I found it in the clutter of crap in my room. And a tape. This tape happened to be me trying to sing a song for my mom. I was about 9 when i made this tape. When it wasn't broken you could hear me start the song, and my sister would come in and rune the song. I would yell at her make her leave, start over, and she would come back and rune it again. I think this repeated a few times before I finally got to the end of whatever song I was singing. However, the last time I used a tape when i was in a toddler classroom during my second year at Hesser. I felt dumb because I couldn't tell how to use the tape player, even after the teacher showed me how too :) Oh well.

After several hours of fighting with the mess of my room. THERE WAS SOME FLOOR. but it didnt last. To clean one place I had to cover up that small amount of floor. :(

This is where I found floor that stayed. I moved the bed to clean under it, then moved it back and vuala, floor. And I got rid of all the cans that were open. The two in the photo are not opened.

Moved all the crap from under the bed to the middle of the first cleaned area. :( but I feel I did a good job removing the trash... or at least two bag fulls and then a half a bag.. (there is still way more trash left.)

 The worst thing happens when i clean... the bed hides from me. lol. As I clean I put stuff in piles on the bed..

I put all the stuff on the bed in the spots in the room they belonged. :) and fixed the sheet and the blankets that are on the bed.. so now the bed is much more comfier. :) And you can see my computer on a box, my cords that were covered on the floor, ac is in the window, and my gay build a bear (rainbow with sparkling feet)

So, I removed 2.5 bags of trash, all the dishes, all the cloths, a lot of the dirt on the ground, lost and found my bed three times, got rid of cans and bottles, and yet.. I failed to clean my whole room. Its 330 am right now.. I feel very accomplished but I know the job isn't done. I have tomorrow to do it as well. If I feel like it.

(and I know its strange to be blogging about cleaning my room, or even posting pictures of how freaking sloppy I am, but its what I am dealing with right now. I am currently not feeling so good about things in my life right now. I Feel stressed because of my room and my life so i thought i would try and fix the only thing i knew i can. (so alanon of me :})  Once my room is cleaned i will feel a bit better about things. I am a slob. I understand that and I am working on it. I see it as a character defect and i need to work on it when the time comes. Which is soon I hope. )

I hope to post in the next few days that i have finished this project and that i am free in my clean room... so until blog Girl vs room 3 comes around.. id like to go to bed.. So good night world..